doorOur addict is a creeper.  As we establish sobriety he is exiled and sent away, his purpose then becomes to seek a way to creep back into our life.  It is a battle of survival, he will not play fair, he will stop at nothing.

He loves back doors, where he can enter into our minds conversation without being noticed.  He is so very subtle.  He doesn’t came screaming, “Let’s go act out.”  Our addict is smarter that that.  He knows that he will be dismissed if he attacks by frontal assault, we have learned to protect ourselves from that.

The back door approach, however often goes undetected.  A resentment here, a snub there, a perceived wrong, all are back doors that our addict loves to find and use.  They are usually located near (created by) our character defects.  Back doors are hidden by arrogance, pride, selfishness, laziness and the like.  Unfortunately we don’t even hear them open or the intruder enter, he goes undetected until we feel a twinge or urge for our drug of choice.  We are often surprised and caught off guard, “Where did that come from?” We might say.  The answer is the back door.

There are many underlying behaviors that support our addiction.  Our addiction cannot survive without them, but seldom do we understand the connection they have to our acting out.

Secrets in a relationship are an example.  We may maintain them because we feel it “would be better for the relationship.”  We may feel we are being protective, or perhaps we don’t want to be embarrassed.  Being addicts, we usually don’t have much of a problem coming up with justifications and rationalizations.  (We seldom as addicts are bound by truth or reality.)  But secrets kill intimacy, every secret diminishes our ability to establish and maintain emotional and spiritual intimacy.  Loss of intimacy diminishes our sense of well being and the urge to act out soon comes to life as a solution.

Or maybe our arrogance rares up.  Perhaps we just don’t like being “wrong” very often so we have a policy of never admitting to it.  Or we feel wronged, like there is unfairness.  The entitlement door swings open and in walks our addict.  We think we are fighting for a principle when we are actually letting our demon out of jail.

There are many back doors, like the night watchman, we need to check them on a regular basis to make sure they remained locked.